APAO05 (Jul 24, 2022)
Summary of Receipt
No. 26 writes about a new customer in Boring, Oregon. They are... let's face it, he's basically Bill Cipher from Gravity Falls. The weed killer doesn't work on him (expected, really), and now they have to find another way to dispatch him.
Transcript
[BRANCH] PALM BEACH
[SERVER] EMPLOYEE NO. 26
[DATE] 7/24/22
[INDEX ID] APAO05
[SECURITY] DINER
Devil's dandruff! Seems like our exposure levels have just substantially increased! This'll tick our claim severity up for sure. We've got another customer like that last one, this time messing around down in Boring. But this guy's anything but! He's something way, way out there. Luckily, this sucker seems to be a small one—but the problem is, while we all are 3s… this guy seems to be a 2. Flat, y'know? Lacking a certain dimension to his character. And he's no square—he's totally triangular. He's causing a whole host of weirdness which the Agency has no idea how to contain.
Heck, at first, we thought this was some sort of other type of customer entirely. It's nothing like the other Daiquiri drinkers we've seen. But the best and brightest of Division, November, and Romeo, are positive this is another one right outta Eden. At first, we were pretty excited about this. Just hit 'em with the gardening supplies and call it a day. Low risk. Then we tried that and… he laughed it off. Called us some names. Flipped a poor Hotel kid inside out. And then we high-tailed it out of there.
Boy—that kid is gonna have a great claim, though. The odds of getting turned inside out by an "Unknown/Other" entity? Very, very low chance of happening! Never thought I'd even see it! But, I suppose everything has a chance to happen at some point, huh? Not sure what we're going to do about this new customer, though, if our previous silver bullet won't work. Gosh, I don't even know how we can get a hold of this guy, seeing as he's not physically in the same space as us. Maybe ol' Boring will just have to change their name?