DPSS06 (Jan 5, 1996)
Summary of Receipt
1313 complains about the now-compulsory, daily, Anti-Satan Seminars that have recently been upped due to the principal getting into a car crash and 'realising' that Satan's followers were among the regular people. Also, there's a 'guest speaker' coming, the head of SATAN SUCKSS, which is very likely just Mrs. Pleasant in disguise. So the kids are staying away from that.
Transcript
RECEIPT #006
FILED UNDER: DINER-DPSS
DATE: 1/5/96
EMPLOYEE #1313
Ughhhhh. Great. Just fantastic. You know what? Satan really does suck. You know how the whole “Anti-Satan Seminar” bullcrap was opt-out? Yeah, after our principal’s near-death experience, it’s no longer opt-out and no longer just a Wednesday thing. It’s now a part of every freaking homeroom period. Yippee. Apparently, when our principal was out driving last weekend, a horrifying, red-eyed demonic creature followed him and ran him into a ditch, and then he had a “revelation” that Satan and his followers were among us, and he needed to protect the children of his school.
Trust me, the dramatic irony is not lost on me, but wow. This is what Red was putting up with? It’s just on and on about how Satan is everywhere and in everything, and all media ever is actually Satan trying to lead us all astray. This is the WORST. This is even worse than the weirdly short winter break we had this year. It was like, what, two weeks? A week and a half? I swear, the school district will be hearing from me. This is egregious.
Oh, yeah. Also, we have a guest speaker coming next Friday. It’s apparently going to be the head of the SATAN S.U.C.K.S.S. committee. She has a “very enlightening” presentation prepared for us so we can also see and share our principal’s vision of imminent demise at the hands of unseen Satanic forces. We will NOT be attending that assembly. Why? Because we are little rapscallions who love cutting class. No. It’s because I’m almost positive this guest speaker is actually Mrs. Pleasant. It’d make sense if she was actually the one running this whole show, right? And if it isn’t her? I don’t feel like sitting through any more of this propaganda.