Case 1: St. Germain of Royal Street

CASE NO. 1

St. Germain of Royal Street

"It is with some… mixed grief… that I begin this receipt." - The Auditor, CAD-00

Receipts

CAD-00

OPEN

BARISTA: THE AUDITOR
CAFE: NONE
DATE: EARLY SEPTEMBER
RECEIPT ID: CAD-00

It is with some… mixed grief… that I begin this receipt. See, I had been waiting for Jack to call, email, text, fax, telegraph, post, or otherwise meet with me face-to-face for what has seemed like an eternity. Jack had called upon me earlier in the year to discuss a peculiar arrangement he had been considering. A unique position of employment in his Network. To the surprise of none, Jack had been, well, "noncommittal" about the idea until some recent developments. Primarily, the Cafe and Diner Network recently expanded to its eighth location… "The Cafe and Diner: Sunshine" in Seattle.

Along with the persistent trouble at Bloodglass and Requiem… and Testament… and Tesseract, hell, the whole organization, I suppose adding another eight employees into the mix finally brought Jack to the conclusion that he might actually need me. Let's face it, the Cafe and Diner Network is an absolute, unregulated, unmitigated disaster. After Julia nearly died on what should have been a routine "catch and release" operation, let's just say that some "Princely pressure" caused him to cave.

My position as the sixty fifth employee of the Cafe and Diner Network is altogether unique and fairly mundane. I am the Cafe's Auditor. My job is, put simply, to rotate between locations as needed to ensure that Cafe and Diner standards are being upheld, that the Owners are working in the best interest of the organization, and that any particularly dangerous customers or operations are properly recorded for Jack's review. I don't know what's the good of keeping a public record of our work, but Jack assures me that the "transparency for those open-minded or otherwise acquainted with the Coffee Trade" will help ensure we don't have another "Anathema Proxy" or "Indigo War" situation.

To that end, I've been given some adventitious authority to run this public repository as I see fit. It had been brought online by CaDence prior to my hiring… And I see that the Cafe and Diner employees have done a poor job of keeping it updated or keeping it decently discreet. While I acknowledge that all of this is subject to change, I foresee this public repository having four distinct categories: Diner Receipts, Cafe Receipts, Cafe and Diner Receipts, and Diner Diner Receipts.

Diner Receipts, such as the one you are currently reading will require no security as they should sufficiently dance around what needs to be kept confidential. I suspect I will be the only one to bother writing Diner Receipts. Cafe Receipts will be collected from the various other employees and will require minimal security based on their personal interests—call it "trivia" if you want. Cafe and Diner Receipts will require more serious security measures and will likely include important transcripts or owner musings and the like. Diner Diner Receipts do not exist and cannot be found utilizing obscure and well-hidden authorization codes.

With all of that said, my first audit will be at Requiem in New Orleans. Apparently Lake Pontchartrain is… coming to life?

CAD-01

OPEN

BARISTA: THE AUDITOR
CAFE: NONE
DATE: EARLY SEPTEMBER
RECEIPT ID: CAD-01

My first audit is of The Cafe and Diner: Requiem, in New Orleans, Louisiana. You know, I might offend if I share too many of my personal opinions on Felix Blackwood's ownership and the utter catastrophe that was his "holy war" against… Ah—it has occurred to me that it would not be "prudent" to just put our customer's full names Diner Receipts where anyone could see them. I believe pseudonyms will suffice, and those well enough in the Coffee Trade should understand who exactly I am referring to. Roughly, a Ms. will be more notable than a Mrs. who in turn is more pressing than a Mr. Although those in the Trade should already be well aware of Felix's holy war against… Ms. Bradbury (for both 1953 and 1962's entries).

I will save my irritation regarding the holy war for another time and instead focus on briefly introducing Requiem, the Cafe of False Miracles. As mentioned above, its owner is Felix Blackwood, 72, who is himself a rather taboo figure in New Orleans even prior to his work at the Cafe. The Blackwoods at one point were part of the Old Voodoo Houses in the area but were excommunicated for trifling with forces they should not have. Felix later took a vow of silence for a while before coming to work with the Cafe and Diner. Alongside Levi he is the holder and protector of the Cane, a truly horrid Piece of Fate that is for my measure much more trouble than its worth.

Of his employees, a few are worth noting. Katherine Wade is a rather unique barista and mixologist, her specialty being a six letter tiki cocktail. Elizabeth Lewis is also quite notable though for reasons I likely can't share in a Diner Receipt—or a Cafe Receipt, or Cafe and Diner Receipt for that matter. And, lastly, there is Ichabod Ramses of the Voodoo House, Ramses. The other employees of Requiem, Aelan Akana, Jade Singh, Oleander Gray, and Penelope Charbonneau are certainly interesting in their own right but not enough to call any single one of them out here and now.

In my next receipt I will total up Requiem's current reservations, and hopefully they will break even.

VAW-01

OPEN

BARISTA: THE AUDITOR
CAFE: NONE
DATE: EARLY SEPTEMBER
RECEIPT ID: VAW-01

Ms. Bradbury, Requiem's largest customer, has been… well, I wouldn't say "served in full," though arguably she was prior to her own reservation with the Cafe… I will say she's been sufficiently dealt with for the time being. In any case, Ms. Bradbury's absence has opened Requiem up to newer and perhaps more terrifying reservations yet to come. Namely, Ms. Sandiego (where, oh where could she be?) who resides out on Lake Pontchartrain. Ms. Sandiego is a contemporary of Ms. Bradbury, and another—though here is not the time nor place to talk about it. I won-der, for why might here not be the place to spill that deliciously decadent tea?

Regardless… Ms. Sandiego is the new name in town, though as I understand she has yet to officially book her reservation with the Cafe. She is, at last report, still slumbering where she was last left. What is clear is that Mr. Fenimore has been seen hanging around Lake Pontchartrain and has been causing his usual mischief to passing tourists. Could Mr. Fenimore be seeing Ms. Sandiego romantically? Possibly… though it is more likely that Mr. Fenimore is merely reacting to Ms. Sandiego's renewed sublacustrine stirring. It's hard to say even for the Requiem baristas who have been working and residing in the city for quite a few years now.

In such cases of uncertainty I would think it wise to ask a local who has been around long enough to know who is allied to Ms. Sandiego and who is merely getting out of her way. To that end, it is my recommendation that Requiem calls upon Mrs. Montferrat. She is dangerous, in more than one way, but I would rather risk a planned reservation with her than an unexpected reservation with Ms. Sandiego.

C-VAW-02

CAFFEINATED

Puzzle

"Beans from a Buried Blue Bloke."

Fruit Trivia | 3 Words [**** ***'* *******]

Hints

Hint 1: This buried bloke might not be blue, but his beans sure is.

Hint 2: Yep, that's a very dead bloke, and some very swollen hands.

Hint 3: This plant, genus Decaisnea, can be found mainly in China, as west as Nepal and as south as Myanmar.

Answer

Dead Men’s Fingers

The Decaisnea plant is commonly known as the “blue bean plant” for its appearance (despite not being actual beans, as far as I understand), and also as “dead men's fingers”.

BARISTA: AELAN AKANA
CAFE: REQUIEM
DATE: EARLY SEPTEMBER
RECEIPT ID: C-VAW-02

You know, I'll happily take a few fifollet over a buncha Blighted creeps any old day. The fifollet is a type of wisp entity in the same general category as will-o'-the-wisps, jack o' lanterns, and hinkypunks, though they are considered ghosts and they are just a tad bit more malicious than their cryptid cousins. Where a typical will-o'-the-wisp from Morningstar or Necropolis will just lead folks astray, the fifollet will lead you astray and may or may not suck a bit of your blood out too. Just a little though! Basically, y'know, like little mosquito wisps. No biggie. And for "ghosts" they're very cryptid like, for what that's worth.

The fifollet are exclusively found Flipside in Louisiana, especially around boundary lines out in the bayous. Which makes Lake Pontchartrain, where la petite buddies have been bubbling out of, an odd place to see 'em. The lake, as far as we know, isn't tied to a Terminus boundary line but a Mayda one. Actually, according to Leviathan, Lake Pontchartrain is tied to Mayda's Locker and is the only Flipside point of access to the Locker.

So… Well, you see the problem, yeah? Ghosts, though regionally appropriate ones, are coming out of the Locker into the Flipside. Implying… There are ghosts IN the Locker. It's possible that Behemoth is working with the thing underneath the lake to help break it out which would be really bad for us. And for the people of New Orleans, of course. But the last thing we need is another entity allying itself with the Prince of Destruction.

Now, as the fifollet aren't really technically cryptids, that's about all I know about them. We could call up Bloodglass for a second opinion, but as they are such heavily regional ghosts, I doubt they have any more insight than we do about them. So, I think this new Auditor dude, they've got the right idea. We gotta ask someone who's a little more "acquainted" with these ghastly little buddies. Someone who's been around awhile.

C-VAW-03

CAFFEINATED

Puzzle

"Not to jinx it, or risk being hexed, but next to JHN433 Basin Street, it might be worth a wish."

Cemetery Trivia | 2 Words [****** *]

Hints

Hint 1: Consider the locale of the receipts so far, what cemetery is near Basin Street?

Hint 2: There's a certain member of Saint Louis No. 1 that's famous for jinxes and hexes.

Hint 3: What's the first step in asking for a wish from Marie Laveau?

Answer

Triple X/Three Xs

“Basin Street” refers to the street in New Orleans, or more specifically, the St. Louis Cemetery No. 1 on that street. Marie Laveau is said to have been buried there, with a tradition being to leave three Xs on her gravestone to grant wishes. Alternatively, “JHN433” refers to the fourth, third and third letters respectively of words starting with J, H and N in the puzzle - all of which are X.

BARISTA: PENELOPE CHARBONNEAU
CAFE: REQUIEM
DATE: EARLY SEPTEMBER
RECEIPT ID: C-VAW-03

Surely there must be someone else, anyone else, we could ask about the fifollet and the entity beneath the lake besides, eugh… St. Germain of Royal Street. Ichabod suggested we could query the Voodoo Queen regarding the matter. The Queen has been known to grant audiences to Family members, and even if not, I would rather scrawl a triple X on her tomb and hope she answers than deal with that wretched womanizing piece of shit pretty boy vampire. Hell, I would rather beg on my hands and knees and slice open my veins to Jade's Tanty for information than be in the same room as that villainous bloodsucker. In fact, I am liable to steal the Cane from Felix and use it to cure St. Germain of his undeath, karmic consequences be damned.

…I understand the assumed connection, I do. St. Germain sucks blood, the fifollet occasionally sucks blood. St. Germain has lived here forever, the fifollet has haunted here forever. It is more than reasonable to assume that lowlife loser has seen, if not interacted with, the fifollet before. But are there no other vampires we could ask? Katherine is quite chummy with the Casket Girls, isn't she? Jade basically IS a vampire! Or we could even track down the Carter Brothers… I understand they are presumed to be dangerous, but certainly no more dangerous than that vile so-called vampire, St. Germain.

Vile…

You don't think he is working with them do you? I wouldn't put it past him. And, I suppose, if he is somehow connected to this "awakening" this… "break," beneath the lake's surface then, well, I suppose there is little else we can do but go and drive a splintery jagged rotted stake through his heart.

Ah, if only he had one.

And if only killing real vampires was so easy.

C-VAW-04

CAFFEINATED

Puzzle

"(White, Green, Black, Red) Chapeau, Fellow Wag'd, Triumphed't, Search for 'n Pizza?"

Synonym Trivia | 4 Words [**** *** ***'* ****]

Hints

Hint 1: Each part solve to a word.

Hint 2: What are White, Green, Black and Red all examples of? What's a chapeau? Who's the best friend of man with a tail? What's a synonym of triumph? Where can you find pizzas?

Hint 3: A Southern idiom, meaning something wouldn't work or succeed.

Answer

That Dog Won't Hunt

This can be broken down into four separate word-plays. First, the four colours are a reference to tea, while a chapeau is a French hat - a “tea-hat”, or in other words, “that”. A “fellow wag'd” is a “fellow who wagged” (their tail): a dog. “Triumphed” is a synonym for “won”, so “triumphed't” becomes “won't”. Lastly, “search for ‘n pizza”: “search for” means “hunt”, and “‘n pizza” is a reference to Pizza Hut - add an n, and you get “hunt”.

BARISTA: OLEANDER GRAY
CAFE: REQUIEM
DATE: EARLY SEPTEMBER
RECEIPT ID: C-VAW-04

Penelope is certainly… discomfited, bedevilled, and well, perhaps rather vexed by having to deal with Jacques St. Germain of Royal Street. We have discussed the matter privately, off the record and off receipt, and I understand where she is coming from, I do. Though, I fear if we are to get St. Germain to talk, we have few other options beyond sending in Penelope, Jade, and Elizabeth. Penelope, as the one who knows the most about St. Germain and how and where to verbally strike at him, Jade to counter vampire with soucouyant, and Elizabeth to verify whatever half truths may tumble out of his lips. More critically, Elizabeth, Jade, and Penelope are all women, and the only way to loosen a lecher like St. Germain's lips is… unfortunately with women.

Not to say that Aelan or Katherine are not also women, but Katherine is dead… or at least, she is without a pulse, which is likely very unappealing to St. Germain. And Aelan would fare the worst if St. Germain was to make a move out of turn. We discussed sending myself, Ichabod, and Felix to investigate the vampire, though chivalrous in intent it would likely be a fruitless pursuit. St. Germain has little to no respect for mortal men and women, but at least with women he finds some sort of sick thrill, titillation, or perversion… along with a potential meal.

I suppose now would also make for a good time to discuss vampires. "Vampires" as a broad category includes anyone or anything that subsides primarily on another's life force… physical, spiritual, or otherwise. It's a broad enough category that it would include cryptids such as chupacabras and demons such as soucouyants. However, when one thinks of a vampire they think of a humanoid, blood-sucking, undead, weak to sunlight and to garlic. While the sunlight and garlic are usually fantasy, what we call human "vampires," are actually more akin to a specific coven of Terminus witches, the Sanguine Impalers. "Gifted" by Behemoth with eternal youth, fantastic power, and the ability to steal life from others through consumption of their blood, Crimson Impaler witches are, at this point, synonymous with Vampires. It is worth noting, Behemoth is not a very "hands on" Prince. Though he turns humans into vampires, it is a contractless deal. As such, we cannot presume St. Germain is working directly with Behemoth.

DD-VAW-05

CAFFEINATED

Puzzle

???

???

Hints

Hint 1: Read VAW-01 real careful like. Double-Double check for anything that starts like that.

Hint 2: I'm calling it like I see it.

Hint 3: I won-der, for why might here not be the place to spill that deliciously decadent tea?

Answer

I14YB2T

In VAW-01, The Auditor talks about Ms. Sandiego, and states that now is not the time to talk about it. Following that is a cryptic statement, “I won-der, for why might here not be the place to spill that deliciously decadent tea?” If we read it out, we can turn “I won” into I and 1. Continuing that gives the answer.

BARISTA: THE AUDITOR
CAFE: NONE
DATE: EARLY SEPTEMBER
RECEIPT ID: DD-VAW-05

Oh good. You found my Diner Diner Receipt.

I wasn't entirely certain how much I should say about "Elizabeth Lewis," as she is an Archon and it's supposed to be a secret. Jack knows, of course. As does Sahir. John knows. Jericho knows through Glean. Daichi likely knows. Indrid might know… though hard to say with him. And, naturally, CaDence knows. She was the one who brought it to Jack's attention, actually. CaDence has always had a strange amount of knowledge—knowledge beyond what should be accessible in this Universe. As I understand it, CaDence is the one who found Elizabeth, or maybe, Elizabeth found CaDence. It's a long story, longer than anyone has cared to share with me, but I know this:

Elizabeth, better known as Eleleth of House Cresset, is an Entropic Archon. She fled the downfall of Entropy some turns after the Gelid Archons, Fate, Phantom, and Secret, had left to form their own ill-conceived Universe. This makes her a fourth generational Archon to our Universe, following the Nova Archons' arrival. As far as her former House rank, involvement in the Undying Wars, the murder of the Wicked's wife—I have no clue. Though, speaking of the Wicked, he is another Cresset Archon. The outlier of what was once the Cold Elders. He was "killed" (as much as Archons can seemingly be killed) a few Universes ago. Though he has returned as an Eidolon, a ghost of his former self driven by lasting rage.

I have good reason to believe Elizabeth is what brought him back.

I know, I know—the official story goes that it was the Karmic Debt caused by Requiem's reckless use of the Cane which caused the Wicked and his Blight to reemerge… but now we have not only one Cresset Archon returning but two. The Vile. Keeper of the Ultramarine Flame. I can't help but think that Elizabeth's fellow House members are drawn to her—if she is not secretly working to raise them herself.

And if she was? We could do little to stop her. Her power to create colored rooms is beyond dangerous—she could seal the whole Cafe and Diner Network in 8 little Teal rooms and be done with us. So, for now, I would prefer to stay on her good side. And, at least the Wicked's Eidolon has less personal grievances than Secret's.

CD-VAW-06

CAFFEINATED

Puzzle

"Montferrat's Zodiac."

Research || 5 Words [*** **** **** ******** ******]

Hints

Hint 1: Who is this Montferrat guy? He's been popping up.

Hint 2: Have a read at his writings. Esoteric stuff.

Hint 3: The man only has one completed and published book. Find that book.

Answer

The Most Holy Threefold Wisdom

“Montferrat” refers to the supposed “Marquis of Montferrat”, Saint Germain (who is the “Mrs. Monferrat” in the Case. He supposedly wrote a book veiled in esoteric code, with twelve sections, each corresponding to one sign of the zodiac. This book is known as “La Très Sainte Trinosophie”, or “The Most Holy Threefold Wisdom”.

BARISTA: JADE SINGH
CAFE: REQUIEM
DATE: MID SEPTEMBER
RECEIPT ID: CD-VAW-06

We met with the creep, St. Germain. He didn't know much but—and I hate to admit it—he made a decent point. We've been operating under the assumption that the fifollets were emerging from the lake… we hadn't stopped to consider that they might be instead submerging into the lake. Into the Locker. Full of blood to feed a sleeping Archon. In any case, Liz sealed his door. I wanted her to Teal him, but she felt Amber was more appropriate. More merciful. Well—I guess if we need him again we can still find him, at least.

St. Germain

My, my, what brings you three lovely faces to my parlor?

Penelope

Cut the shit, Germain.

St. Germain

Oh-ho, this one has a mouth on her, how fun! Tell me… who sent you my way? Who do I have to thank for such a… a bouquet of flowers.

Penelope

No one.

St. Germain

No one? Then how did you find—?

Penelope

I still have your key.

[St. Germain squinted his eyes, peering through the hazy darkness of his seedy Royal Street parlor.]

St. Germain

Ah———oh. Oh! P… Pah… Persephone? Is that you? Oh my, I hardly recognized you in this light! Come closer dear, so that I might… reacquaint myself with your taste.

[Elizabeth held out her hand illuminating the parlor with a ball of light. As St. Germain shielded his eyes, Penelope sucker punched him across his face.]

St. Germain

FUCK!

Penelope

It's Penelope.

St. Germain

It's coming back to me. You tried to kill me!

Penelope

You tried to turn me.

St. Germain

You seduced me!

Penelope

I was sixteen.

Jade

You were only sixteen when you dated this creep? Gross.

[Jade flicked a spark of blood-red fire from her fingers toward St. Germain's face.]

Elizabeth

I wouldn't exactly call being taken advantage of "dating."

St. Germain

Oh—please. I am a vampire. Are you so truly offended by a few years? Regardless, I would have been at least 200 years older than—

Jade

Gross.

[Jade flicked another spark toward St. Germain.]

St. Germain

ENOUGH! Why do you furies torment me so?

Penelope

What do you know about the Vile? And why are fifollets coming out of Leviathan's Plane?

St. Germain

…The vile what?

Elizabeth

The Vile of House Cresset.

St. Germain

Ah—oh, oh yes. I recall my master did mention something about a sleeping Archon. I didn't realize her name was simply… Vile.

Penelope

What did Behemoth say about Vile? And when?

St. Germain

Hm. It seems I am giving up so much for free. That is hardly fair. What would you give me in return for such information I wonder?

[St. Germain stood up and grabbed Penelope forcefully by her waist as he brushed his lips across her neck. Jade grabbed one of St. Germain's arms. She twisted it behind his back and pulled up his sleeve.]

Jade

I've never had vampire blood before. Wonder what it tastes like?

[St. Germain's veins began to swell like heated glass.]

St. Germain

AGH! Damned soucouyant!

[St. Germain released Penelope and recoiled, pulling down his sleeve and moving as far away from Jade as possible.]

St. Germain

I don't know anything, alright? I know my master seeks powerful allies, but who doesn't? And… I doubt the fifollets are escaping from within Leviathan's Plane. They are tricky things, no? Have you seen which way they are actually floating? In or out? They don't consume blood, they merely steal it—store it. It is much easier to break into a prison than out of it.

[Elizabeth looked at Jade then Penelope, then nodded.]

St. Germain

Happy? Satisfied? Now, leave me be.

Jade

Why should we? So you can find another teenager to feed on?

St. Germain

Kill me—if you can—but doing so will certainly invoke the wrath of my fellow vampires if not Lord Behemoth himself. And to me? It sounds like you have bigger issues than a mere Prince of Hell.

Penelope

He's right. We can't kill him.

[Penelope handed the key to St. Germain's hidden Royal Street parlor to Elizabeth.]

Elizabeth

And I fear death would be a mercy.

[Elizabeth, Jade, and Penelope left St. Germain's parlor and on her way out, Elizabeth drew her finger across St. Germain's door turning the wood a deep amber hue before closing and locking the door for good.]

CAD-02

OPEN

BARISTA: THE AUDITOR
CAFE: NONE
DATE: LATE SEPTEMBER
RECEIPT ID: CAD-02

Compliments ma foi, Requiem team. All things considered, I feel that you were able to handle Mrs. Montferrat as… judiciously… as possible. Once I found out that Penelope had been romantically entangled with Mrs. Montferrat—and as Elizabeth pointed out "romantically entangled" is perhaps too generous a way to describe it—well, it certainly put everyone in a difficult position, didn't it? Especially Penelope. Given the situation, serving Mrs. Montferrat in an Amber Room is completely fair, in my mind. Though it will keep her tab open with the Cafe and Diner indefinitely, at least it wasn't paid in full.

As for the point behind the pain, it was indeed worth booking Mrs. Montferrat as she provided an exceptionally useful perspective on Mr. Fenimore and Ms. Sandiego. While it certainly looks like Mr. Fenimore has been coming from the lake, it is indeed a trick of the eye, an optical illusion of sorts. They aren't floating out—they've been floating in. It would appear Mr. Fenimore is smuggling illicit goods to Ms. Sandiego at the bequest of Behram. What is unclear to me is if Behram is the one who tasked Mr. Fenimore with this sanguine smuggling or if it was Ursula's directive. A query for Bloodglass no doubt, though Jack has requested my services elsewhere. In Alaska. At Tesseract.

Apparently, as I understand it, The Cafe and Diner: Tesseract is in possession of three highly unstable chronal artifacts. Ticking timebombs in a literal sense. Now, I might be out of my depth on such matters but I'm not being called upon to fix their problem. I'm being called in for a more… "human" perspective. That, and between unravelling this triple timepiece mystery, Tesseract has been neglecting their more present problems in favor of the future… and perhaps the past as well.